## Colophon tags:: url:: https://maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/ date:: [[]] %% title:: Agony of being a Muslim in Modi’s India type:: [[clipped-note]] author:: [[@maktoobmedia.com]] %% ## Notes > Growing up Muslim in such an environment forces you to mature in ways kids of your age don’t. It accelerates your political awareness, making you see and understand things far earlier than your peers. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/gQHlmtJwEe-NXvcvy3iL9g/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > As I watched these interviews, I couldn’t help but notice how articulate and politically aware these Muslim students were compared to their peers who were also interviewed by reporters on the ground. These Muslim kids were about to miss out on critical exams and potentially a year or more of their education, yet they carried themselves with intelligence and resilience. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/p8aNZtJwEe-HTGc6GaQWEQ/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > but I often find myself wondering—where are those kids now? What became of them after enduring such deep pain and humiliation, simply because of their religious identity? While their peers moved through their academic programs as if nothing had ever happened, these girls were forced to navigate the crushing weight of exclusion, shame, and lost opportunities. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/rkCWKNJwEe-qFyuAyqBAqw/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Throughout, I had to steel myself, often ignoring the constant barrage of dehumanising remarks made against my own community. It wasn’t easy, but I believed in the power of truth and documentation, no matter how uncomfortable the process was. After all, journalism is the first draft of history. Eventually, it took a toll on me and I decided to quit. It was not because I was unhappy at my work, I just couldn’t keep up with these hateful remarks. I thought I was brave and more resilient than others because I had seen it all growing up, turns out, I wasn’t that brave. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/HIlD-tJxEe-QRmsqKWQ62A/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > What if that was me? What if it was someone I love? — [view in context](https://hyp.is/HPNbZNJxEe-v2yeW52rO-Q/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > In August 2023, a video emerged from Muzaffarnagar, Uttar Pradesh, showing a teacher instructing her students to slap a Muslim boy while she made hateful remarks against his community. The boy was in the second grade—far too young to understand what was happening, too young to be as articulate compared to the girls barred from entering their schools and universities for wearing hijabs in Karnataka. But like so many of us, this child is now forced to grow up faster than he should, his innocence stolen simply because of his identity. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/WIvYBNJxEe-XBFe5tdA7RA/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Both of these kids, barely old enough to tie their shoes, are now marked by these experiences—forced to navigate a world that’s hostile to their existence, burdened with a premature awareness of the hate that surrounds them. The simple acts of being in school, of bringing lunch from home, become acts of defiance in the eyes of those who see their faith as a threat. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/lT8ScNJxEe-E9ENcSZbFgw/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > and the liberal elite of the country filled their columns and editorials with praise, claiming that the Modi era would transform India. This false optimism intoxicated me—I wanted to believe in a better future. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/bsR7bNJ2Ee-wW-f_JkOVuw/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Slowly, the names blurred into numbers, each new tragedy overshadowing the last. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/erkD1NJ2Ee-f5UtWgma1_Q/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Some authors publish works with catchy, attention-grabbing names like How to Kill a Democracy, How Propaganda Works, or The Anarchist Cookbook. It’s not a critique of these authors—they’re writing on important topics. But as a Muslim man, I understand all too well that in the eyes of law enforcement—if I am ever found in possession of such book—the content of these books won’t matter. The title alone is enough to cast suspicion, to brand me a terrorist, a foreign spy, or whatever label is most convenient at the moment. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/uZAFJtJ2Ee-d-juv2U4FIw/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Living in this kind of fear doesn’t just change your behaviour, it changes the way you see the world. Every decision, no matter how trivial, feels fraught with the possibility of violence, misunderstanding, or worse. It’s a constant negotiation between staying true to your identity and staying safe. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/5vIHjtJ3Ee-7aU8ZIaxTJg/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > This is our reality, not just in news reports or distant tragedies, but in the very fabric of our everyday lives. What’s even more horrifying is that today mass violence has been replaced, and the scale of riots that happened in the 80s and 90s is now a rare occurrence. The violence today happens in pockets, they are self-contained so that people move past it quickly. It’s more effective without creating a global embarrassment and continues to strike terrors in our hearts. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/QxYpgtJ4Ee-U6ON1incNzg/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Sometimes I find myself wondering—what if Modi were no longer in power? Would it really change anything? Would the fear, the bigotry, the oppression vanish the way the hijab ban slowly disappeared in Karnataka after a regime change? A part of me wants to hold on to that hope, to believe that a shift in leadership could lead to a shift in the atmosphere. But deep down, I know I’m asking for too much. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/p05XvNJ4Ee-7bMcGtbZlLA/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > The truth is, that the fabric of Indian society has been altered in ways that go far beyond any one political leader. The hate, the divisiveness, and the systemic discrimination we see today are not just the products of the last decade—they are the culmination of nearly a century of groundwork laid by the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), the ideological wing of the BJP. This isn’t just a political era, it’s the result of a long and calculated project designed to inject communal hatred into the very DNA of the nation. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/qifR1NJ4Ee-Z-jeJ0i6PCw/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > It’s heartbreaking to admit, but reversing this damage could take another century, if not more. I want to be hopeful, I want to believe that change is possible, but when the roots of hate have been nurtured for so long, it’s hard to imagine an India that can easily untangle itself from this darkness. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/t6i4RtJ4Ee-Cyj9zuU-zkA/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > . It feels as though we are chronicling our own demise, recording the slow disintegration of our lives, our dignity, and our self-respect. What we once held dear, the pride and honour we had in ourselves, has been pushed so far to the background that it’s barely recognisable. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/b1-hUtJ5Ee-ZVQ-GiGibEg/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Everything else, every dream, every aspiration I once held, has been let go. I have surrendered it all in the face of a world that seems intent on erasing us. My ambitions now feel irrelevant, replaced by a primal need to shield my family from the relentless hate that surrounds us. As I write this, I fear and wonder, is my home going to be the next home that is demolished using a bulldozer? Would I ever forgive myself if I ended up being the reason my parents to not have a roof over their heads? — [view in context](https://hyp.is/iVlUDtJ5Ee-OeIcvlX6Q5g/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Every day, I’m weighed down by the uncertainty of what comes next. Will it get better? Or is this the future we are forced to accept—one where our dreams are sacrificed at the altar of survival, where the only victory is making it through another day without incident? — [view in context](https://hyp.is/jcvPEtJ5Ee-BaeeYUxneKg/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Growing up Muslim in such an environment forces you to mature in ways kids of your age don’t. It accelerates your political awareness, making you see and understand things far earlier than your peers. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/gQHlmtJwEe-NXvcvy3iL9g/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > As I watched these interviews, I couldn’t help but notice how articulate and politically aware these Muslim students were compared to their peers who were also interviewed by reporters on the ground. These Muslim kids were about to miss out on critical exams and potentially a year or more of their education, yet they carried themselves with intelligence and resilience. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/p8aNZtJwEe-HTGc6GaQWEQ/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > but I often find myself wondering—where are those kids now? What became of them after enduring such deep pain and humiliation, simply because of their religious identity? While their peers moved through their academic programs as if nothing had ever happened, these girls were forced to navigate the crushing weight of exclusion, shame, and lost opportunities. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/rkCWKNJwEe-qFyuAyqBAqw/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Throughout, I had to steel myself, often ignoring the constant barrage of dehumanising remarks made against my own community. It wasn’t easy, but I believed in the power of truth and documentation, no matter how uncomfortable the process was. After all, journalism is the first draft of history. Eventually, it took a toll on me and I decided to quit. It was not because I was unhappy at my work, I just couldn’t keep up with these hateful remarks. I thought I was brave and more resilient than others because I had seen it all growing up, turns out, I wasn’t that brave. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/HIlD-tJxEe-QRmsqKWQ62A/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > What if that was me? What if it was someone I love? — [view in context](https://hyp.is/HPNbZNJxEe-v2yeW52rO-Q/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > In August 2023, a video emerged from Muzaffarnagar, Uttar Pradesh, showing a teacher instructing her students to slap a Muslim boy while she made hateful remarks against his community. The boy was in the second grade—far too young to understand what was happening, too young to be as articulate compared to the girls barred from entering their schools and universities for wearing hijabs in Karnataka. But like so many of us, this child is now forced to grow up faster than he should, his innocence stolen simply because of his identity. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/WIvYBNJxEe-XBFe5tdA7RA/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Both of these kids, barely old enough to tie their shoes, are now marked by these experiences—forced to navigate a world that’s hostile to their existence, burdened with a premature awareness of the hate that surrounds them. The simple acts of being in school, of bringing lunch from home, become acts of defiance in the eyes of those who see their faith as a threat. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/lT8ScNJxEe-E9ENcSZbFgw/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > and the liberal elite of the country filled their columns and editorials with praise, claiming that the Modi era would transform India. This false optimism intoxicated me—I wanted to believe in a better future. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/bsR7bNJ2Ee-wW-f_JkOVuw/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Slowly, the names blurred into numbers, each new tragedy overshadowing the last. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/erkD1NJ2Ee-f5UtWgma1_Q/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Some authors publish works with catchy, attention-grabbing names like How to Kill a Democracy, How Propaganda Works, or The Anarchist Cookbook. It’s not a critique of these authors—they’re writing on important topics. But as a Muslim man, I understand all too well that in the eyes of law enforcement—if I am ever found in possession of such book—the content of these books won’t matter. The title alone is enough to cast suspicion, to brand me a terrorist, a foreign spy, or whatever label is most convenient at the moment. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/uZAFJtJ2Ee-d-juv2U4FIw/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Living in this kind of fear doesn’t just change your behaviour, it changes the way you see the world. Every decision, no matter how trivial, feels fraught with the possibility of violence, misunderstanding, or worse. It’s a constant negotiation between staying true to your identity and staying safe. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/5vIHjtJ3Ee-7aU8ZIaxTJg/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > This is our reality, not just in news reports or distant tragedies, but in the very fabric of our everyday lives. What’s even more horrifying is that today mass violence has been replaced, and the scale of riots that happened in the 80s and 90s is now a rare occurrence. The violence today happens in pockets, they are self-contained so that people move past it quickly. It’s more effective without creating a global embarrassment and continues to strike terrors in our hearts. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/QxYpgtJ4Ee-U6ON1incNzg/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Sometimes I find myself wondering—what if Modi were no longer in power? Would it really change anything? Would the fear, the bigotry, the oppression vanish the way the hijab ban slowly disappeared in Karnataka after a regime change? A part of me wants to hold on to that hope, to believe that a shift in leadership could lead to a shift in the atmosphere. But deep down, I know I’m asking for too much. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/p05XvNJ4Ee-7bMcGtbZlLA/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > The truth is, that the fabric of Indian society has been altered in ways that go far beyond any one political leader. The hate, the divisiveness, and the systemic discrimination we see today are not just the products of the last decade—they are the culmination of nearly a century of groundwork laid by the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), the ideological wing of the BJP. This isn’t just a political era, it’s the result of a long and calculated project designed to inject communal hatred into the very DNA of the nation. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/qifR1NJ4Ee-Z-jeJ0i6PCw/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > It’s heartbreaking to admit, but reversing this damage could take another century, if not more. I want to be hopeful, I want to believe that change is possible, but when the roots of hate have been nurtured for so long, it’s hard to imagine an India that can easily untangle itself from this darkness. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/t6i4RtJ4Ee-Cyj9zuU-zkA/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > . It feels as though we are chronicling our own demise, recording the slow disintegration of our lives, our dignity, and our self-respect. What we once held dear, the pride and honour we had in ourselves, has been pushed so far to the background that it’s barely recognisable. — [view in context](https://hyp.is/b1-hUtJ5Ee-ZVQ-GiGibEg/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Everything else, every dream, every aspiration I once held, has been let go. I have surrendered it all in the face of a world that seems intent on erasing us. My ambitions now feel irrelevant, replaced by a primal need to shield my family from the relentless hate that surrounds us. As I write this, I fear and wonder, is my home going to be the next home that is demolished using a bulldozer? Would I ever forgive myself if I ended up being the reason my parents to not have a roof over their heads? — [view in context](https://hyp.is/iVlUDtJ5Ee-OeIcvlX6Q5g/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/) > Every day, I’m weighed down by the uncertainty of what comes next. Will it get better? Or is this the future we are forced to accept—one where our dreams are sacrificed at the altar of survival, where the only victory is making it through another day without incident? — [view in context](https://hyp.is/jcvPEtJ5Ee-BaeeYUxneKg/maktoobmedia.com/features/agony-of-being-a-muslim-in-modis-india/)